Either learn or leave

Tante Gretel

2011-10-08T21:43:00.003-06:00

The death of a loved one can be a bittersweet sorrow.

I just found out that my Dad's godmother passed away two days ago. My Tante Gretel is gone.

She was an amazing woman. I'm glad I had the opportunity to know her. She would stand in line for hours for a loaf of bread to bring home to my dad's family. When government officials made a last minute demand for American dollars before allowing my dad's family to leave Poland she vanished - only to show up a couple hours later with the money. What she had to do or sell to get that money, I never found out.

I visited her a number of times in Germany. She'd given me a bagful of jewellery - telling me the history behind the special pieces. One of my favourite pieces is an necklace of metal spirals - a present from a male friend. I've never seen anything like it.

I can only begin to imagine all the hurt, sorrow and devastation she'd seen in her life. She never married - from some of the stories she told me and the look in her eyes as she'd let a sentence trail off - I'm not sure that the decision had been hers to make.

She lived through World War II. On my last visit with her she told me stories about life before the war. Stories of how life changed when Hitler came into power. The sports centre was re-named after him, as were a number of other prominent landmarks in her town. She'd go quiet and then with a slight shake of the head she'd continue talking.

Of the war itself she was vague and I didn't want to pry. "Es war schrecklich. Furchtbar."

One of the things that saddens me most about her death, is that as far as I know, no one was there for her. Her entire life she'd lived helping and looking after others, but when her time came, no one was there.

Classy

2011-09-10T11:15:00.003-06:00

I don't know about you, but I've always dreamed of owning a sports car. Not one of the wannabe cool North American models, no, they're really not my style. No, I'd go for the 2008 Audi R8.

One of my mom's cousins recently bought a new sports car and brought it with him to a large family gathering. People showing off their sports cars is nothing new. But my uncle did something completely out of the ordinary - he gave the keys to anyone who wanted to take his new car out for a spin. Siblings, cousins, cousin's kids - any family member who had a driver's license, could take his Porsche for a ride.

That was a couple weeks ago and I'm still blown away by his generosity and willingness to share his treasure with others. What a classy move....

...If I ever do own an Audi R8, I hope I'm as generous and willing to share as he is.

Waging war in the kitchen

2011-07-17T15:02:00.007-06:00

I had a box of luscious nectarines and white peaches sitting beside the stove for the past two weeks. With company coming this weekend I figured we'd finish the box no problem. Guess I didn't really count on how little time we'd spend in the house given that the Stampede's in town and the weather is gorgeous (oh, and that there's almost no mosquitoes!).

Yesterday I noticed one of those red fruit flies buzzing around my kitchen. Not good. This morning when I reached over my box of fruit a couple more flew into the air. Those intruders were eating my fruit. This is war!

In times of crisis, we must not panic. Instead, we must face the enemy head on, with determination and bravery. Even if it means sacrificing Sunday afternoons to work in the kitchen. Man the battlestations!

Or, in my case, the blender. I'm making sorbet: one nectarine and one white peach and spearmint. Should be delicious! Who knew war could be so fun?

Hmmm, since I'm at it and the dishes are already dirty, I think I'll make a raspberry/blackberry sorbet too.

The pot calling the kettle

2011-07-11T21:52:00.004-06:00

I attended my first work Stampede party today. It was...ahem...interesting. We were a pretty quiet group, but there were a couple other individuals there who were less than quiet. It wasn't even 3 p.m. and they were completely trashed. Kind of sad actually.

Is it wrong that the best part of the party was the people watching? I was going to make a snide comment about one individual who'd clearly had too much to drink and was sauntering over to every male in Wranglers and a cowboy hat...

How quickly I pass judgement on someone else...yet I hate when someone passes judgement on me. I've done my fair share of stupid things...I remember thinking how great they'd make me feel...only to end up disappointed in the end. Funny how some of things that we think will make us happy - don't.

I have to watch my attitude. At first I was irritated and frankly, a little disgusted with this individual. At some point I realized I saw a bit of myself in her. Where's the line between passing judgement and looking down on someone and relating to him/her and feeling sorry for him/her? Is there a line? Aren't both options just different forms of passing judgement?

Is it even possible to not pass judgement in some way? I don't know that it is. I do know however, that I need to watch my attitude and not be so hasty in jumping to conclusions about people and situations.

Haribo Goldbaeren

2009-12-21T14:53:00.003-07:00

Haribo makes the best gummy bears. Ever. I remember growing up my parents tried hard to convince us kids to like "North American" gummy bears. You know, the kind you can buy from Wal-mart, Superstore or the other local grocery store down the street. I think the Wal-mart version costs around $3 for 700 grams. 700 grams? You really think $3 for 700 grams is a good deal? It's not. I know we're supposed to be in a recession and careful with our spending but really, if you're going to spend money on gummy bears, don't cheap out. It's not worth it! My parents can attest to that. No matter what brand they tried, my siblings and I weren't swayed.
Where I live I can often find Haribo Goldbaeren (the best, most flavourful, healthiest gummybears) at London Drugs. (Ok, I made up the 'healthiest' bit, but think about it...eating ten satisfying Goldbaeren is much healthier than eating 700 grams of artificially flavoured chewy junk wannabe gummybears)
Anyways, the point is, don't waste your money buying the "North American" gummybears...you'll regret it.

Debra Benton

2009-11-04T20:31:00.002-07:00

Today I had the privilege of attending a lunch session with Debra Benton. Who's Debra Benton? Well, let me paste part the bio from her website below:

Debra Benton is an effective, charismatic and powerful speaker/consultant/author. In 1976, she founded Benton Management Resources, and has since been in business successfully for over 30 years. She has helped professionals worldwide design subtle changes in their presentation, attitude and leadership style that increased their personal and professional effectiveness – and subsequently their financial status.

Her client list reads like a “Who’s Who” in successful business today. Benton's style and ability to influence positive change has put people “in office,” made companies millions, accelerated career advancement and created a beneficial ripple effect throughout numerous organizations.

Benton coaches corporate executives, politicians and business leaders on their organizational impact in every industry imaginable. Every Week Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company feature one of Benton's previous or current clients.

What an incredible experience. The best $40 I've spent in a long time. I took a number of notes, but clearly a 45 minute presentation can't convey all her insight. I'm planning on buying one, possibly two of her books.

One of her first comments was on inadequacy. So often we treat people based on how inadequate we perceive them (and ourselves!) to be. Her comment was that God does not make inadequate people, why do we keep treating them as such?

Congratulations shiningstar

2009-09-18T21:39:00.003-06:00

Wow. I can't believe you're getting married tomorrow. I remember sitting in our favourite little cafe and talking about all our dreams and plans for the future. Education, Travel and Real Estate. I don't remember there being much talk about men. Oh yes, we did talk about our current crushes (as well as our arch-enemies who often happened to be our secret crushes...or at least in my case they were). We talked about meeting men throughout our adventures, but I can't say I remember actually talking about settling down and getting married.

Fast forward a few years and here we are. I've been married a year, you're just about to get married. Hmnm. Interesting where life takes us eh? I can't say I saw this coming. Did you?

Come to think of it, it's probably good we didn't see it coming. I don't think we would have been to know where we were going to be. At least, I know I wouldn't have been ready.

Speaking of ready, I have a speech to give tomorrow and should write out my final notes. Please don't start crying. I'll loose it too.

2009-08-31T20:52:00.010-06:00

I admit it, I'm obsessed.
From clothes, to cars, to chocolates, to fragrances, to furniture, to footwear. How can you go wrong with European?
As for the music? Don't get me started. Simply superb. Magnifique.

2009-08-24T19:09:00.002-06:00

Hey,

Sorry it's been so long. I keep thinking of great things to write about and then get busy with life and forget about writing.

Here's a little music for you to enjoy. What does this remind you of?

It reminds me of flying down the Autobahn.

Congratulations!

2009-07-15T15:49:00.001-06:00

Little Markus has arrived. Yay :)

Revelation in the 'hood

2009-06-27T23:04:00.005-06:00

We don't have much contact with our neighbours on one side. Other than the "Good morning", "Hello" and occasional "How are you?" I can count on two hands the number of conversations we've had with them.

When they're not around we talk about them. About the way she's always the one shoveling the snow, painting the fence or hanging laundry. About "his" tomatoes that she always seems to be tending. About the grandma who sits on the front step and keeps watch over the flowers and the neighbourhood. About the boys who stride across our parking spot and acknowledge our presence with a cursory glance. About the number of male inhabitants compared to the number of females who seem to be looking after the place.

Today I caught a glimpse of something else. One of the house-work-challenged, always-running-off-somewhere sons was out by the basketball nets...without his brother or his friends. I blinked. He was out with his grandma, coaching her on how to shoot hoops. I watched for a while. His patience and quiet respect were evident - even from a few hundred yards away.

Although I can't vouch for his work ethic, clearly I've been too hasty to assume the worst. Instead of the usual arrogant, demanding, self-absorbed behaviour, I caught a glimpse of something more - a young man who loves his grandmother.

2009-03-16T21:18:00.000-06:00

I'm leaving on my first international business trip tomorrow - ten days, London and Aberdeen. Yes, I am excited.
And also rather nervous. One of my gf's pulled me aside on Sunday for a little pep talk. Thank you. I needed that.

Look out world, here I come....

2009-02-23T21:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a while. Things are going well though.

- I'm keeping busy at work. It looks like there will be a major opportunity opening up in March so I'm excited to see how that pans out.
- We celebrated our six month anniversary this past weekend. I can't believe the time has gone by so fast.

That's the latest. Hope you are all doing well.

2008-12-31T12:43:00.000-07:00

Enjoy the last day of 2008.
Best wishes for the year to come.

Fashion news

2008-12-03T11:18:00.005-07:00

Whether this is simply a matter of coincidence, or a sign of the economic times there has been a rise in fashion related news. In the hopes of spreading classic fashion cheer I thought I'd share some of the recent ongoings.

A Suitable Wardrobe, one of the blogs I regularly follow, is dedicated to men's classic fashion and has featured a number of interesting posts lately. I found the post on black enlightening as I often wear black simply because it's such a "safe, professionally acceptable" colour. While you're there, check out the rest of the blog. Yes, I realize it is directed towards men, but I firmly believe that women also have a responsibility to uphold classic fashion. (If you happen to know of a good women's classic fashion blog, send it my way).

Since we're discussing fashion, read through this short article about Tom Ford that appeared in the National Post. The article is more of a general read than fashion advice, but there are a few good suggestions.

I am....

2008-12-01T23:37:00.005-07:00

Indignant.

Furious.

Disgusted.

Unstable coalition is a powderkeg under Canada

I have never been so inexplicably unimpressed with the opposition party leaders.

In the words of Queen Victoria:

"We, are not, amused."

-- The following was added 9:30 a.m. December 2, 2008.

A few hours have passed since writing the above post. I've had a chance to calm down - though only slightly. I am in no way trying to claim Mr. Harper is perfect, nor am I insinuating that if the tables were turned and the Conservatives were part of this coup d'état I'd be encouraging these shenanigans. No.

What frustrates me is the utter lack of respect and complete disregard that the opposition party leaders show for Canadians. Yes, there was an election in October. Yes, a party was elected to govern. No, it was not the Liberals, NDP, Bloc Québécois or Green Party. It was the Conservatives. Now, I realize that people interpret situations differently but if you are leading a political party that does not get elected to govern, could it be possible that Canadians don't want you governing the country? Just a thought.

Yes, the Conservatives have made the mistakes. Yes, the country needs to tread carefully during this economic downturn. Yes, the government still needs to function. Would you all just quit your whining and get on with it? Canadians need a government that can look out for the best interests of Canadians. Is a coalition government run by three parties with differing views going to be successful at getting work done? Hmm. Well. Let me think about that. Judging from the partisan behaviour these parties have displayed in the past? A coalition government run by the Liberals, Bloc Québécois and NDP sounds more like a three ring circus than a successful government. Oh wait a second...newsflash: you weren't elected to govern. This coalition government is in reality a bloodless coup d'état that is not only squandering Canadian taxpayers' money but also wasting precious time before Parliament is let out for Christmas.

Like I said before:

"We are not amused."

Sunday tunes

2008-11-30T16:04:00.003-07:00

Thought you might enjoy some music to chill out to.

This is an old classic with a beautiful melody. As many of you know, I have a weakness for electronic music with a strong melody. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against a pounding, heart thumping bass, but there is something to be said for songs that include more than just the rhythm. There are a number of other songs out there with a stronger, more intense melody, but this one, is great to relax to. Enjoy.

Child politics

2008-11-13T18:10:00.004-07:00

Last week we had our first dump of snow. Actually, it was more like a dusting of snow - an inch, maybe two. It came overnight, dark and gloomy turned into a white powder sugar covering of snow. The sun sparkled off the water particles making everything look fresh and new.

Promptly at ten paradise exploded.

Children.

Everywhere.

Thrilled to be released from reading, writing and arithmetic, they rolled around on the field and started making snowmen. In the beginning everyone seemed to be working individually. As the snowballs grew bigger the children banned together to try and roll the snowballs together. At one point I counted 32 snowmen in various stages of completion.

Four little boys caught my eye. One minute they'd be trying to shove snow down each other's throats the next they'd be standing side by side straining against a snowball larger than the four of them combined. Child politics. Fight, makeup, fight again, makeup again. Stop. Repeat.

Butterscotch Walnut cookies

2008-11-02T17:20:00.002-07:00

At one of my bridal showers I was given a recipe for Butterscotch Walnut cookies. I made them this afternoon for a small group that we go to Sunday nights. For the first time in - I'm not sure when - I didn't double, triple or quadruple the recipe. Actually, now that I think about it, I can't even remember that last time I didn't have to increase a cookie recipe.

Anthem

2008-08-15T19:03:00.003-06:00

I can't believe time is going by so quickly. I have just over two weeks left before my life changes. Part of me is excited, another part, scared.

A year ago in June.
It was after ten and the sweltering heat of the afternoon had dissipated. Cool night breezes carried the sounds of music, people and fireworks. Together with A, D, and S we strolled down the river, across one of the bridges and onto the island. It was packed. I'd been to concerts before, even outdoor concerts but nothing like this. Although the Love Parade draws thousands, aside from the formal "parade" aspect, most of the shows take place indoors at clubs and stadiums. Here, everything was outside. Everything. It has been called the largest outdoor music fest in Europe.
Pushing through the crowds, A and I managed to make our way towards the stage. The lights stopped pulsing for a moment and the crowd slowed as the haunting melody filled the air.

2008-08-07T22:39:00.003-06:00

This song has been a favourite of mine over the past few years. For you English speakers, you could try googling the band, there may be a translation somewhere. The haunting melody and beautiful lyrics are a combination rarely found in North American music.

Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
In der Nacht wenn du schläfst
Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
Ich bin wach wenn du schläfst

Nichts braucht soviel Schutz wie du
In der Dunkelheit der Welt
Sogar Söldner hol ich hinzu
Denn ein dunkles Reich hat uns umstellt
Und nichts braucht soviel Schutz wie du
In der Dunkelheit der Welt
Sogar Söldner hol ich hinzu
Denn ein dunkles Reich hat uns umstellt

Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
In der Nacht wenn du schläfst
Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
Ich bin wach wenn du schläfst
Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
Wenn du schläfst wenn du gehst
Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
Deiner Nähe sein

Und nichts braucht soviel Zeit wie Schutz
Denn man findet ihn kaum
Deshalb träumst du dass man dich beschützt
Doch es bleibt nur ein Traum
Und ich möchte Schutz sein für dich
In der Nacht und am Tag
Denn ich schütz dein ewiges Licht
Und das hat mir gesagt

Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
In der Nacht wenn du schläfst
Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
Ich bin wach wenn du schläfst
Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
Wenn du schläfst wenn du gehst
Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
Deiner Nähe sein

Keiner bringt Licht in den Tag
Der so dunkel ist
Und du hast gut zu leben gewagt
Weil es richtig ist
Doch nichts braucht soviel Schutz wie du
Bitte glaub mir das
Und Engel fleh ich noch hinzu
Ein Heer das nur auf dich aufpasst

Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
In der Nacht wenn du schläfst
Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
Ich bin wach wenn du schläfst
Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
Wenn du schläfst wenn du gehst
Ich will nur in deiner Nähe sein
Deiner Nähe sein

~ Wenn du Schläfst, Söhne Mannheims

2008-08-07T14:58:00.002-06:00

I wrote my last final exam this morning.
I was going to celebrate by buying a pair of hot red pumps but all they had left was a size five.
I can't believe I'm done. Granted I still have to walk down the aisle in a cap and gown, but the formal part of my Bachelors - fine, vertig.

I think I'll keep writing but I'm not sure about what yet.

2008-07-21T17:25:00.002-06:00

My fiancee and I were talking about courage last night. This morning I came across the following quote from Laurence Shames:

Why are we inspired by another person's courage?
Maybe because it gives us the sweet and genuine surprise of discovering
some trace, at least, of the same courage in ourselves.

Interesting. I think he may be on to something. I know personally it's inspiring and sometimes quite humbling, to see friends and loved ones face situations that I find terrifying. Yet, they manage to stand tall and face the storm.

Here's to you. Thank you for standing tall and in doing so, inspiring me to do the same.

2008-06-18T09:42:00.002-06:00

It's 9:45 a.m. and the day's going great. Absolutely fantastic.

Drinks anyone?

2008-06-15T23:09:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is a day I never expected would come.

No, not my wedding day. Engagement photo shoot day. Yeah, I'd always thought I'd fall in love, but never that it would be the real deal. Meet a guy, let him chase me for a while - or chase him ;) - be with him for awhile. I didn't think I'd meet someone who loved me enough to want to marry me.

Now I have. It's odd thinking about it actually. I thought I had my life all planned out. Work in communications for a few years. Move to Europe. Buy a house in North America to rent out to my siblings and come back three weeks every year to six months. I'd have a townhouse or apartment in Germany or Austria, that would be my base. My home. It'd be me, my pairs of shoes, my purses and coats and red Swiss rolling suitcase collection. *Sigh*

I'll be giving some of that up in a few months. Don't get me wrong, my significant other is not of the opinion that I must stay home and wear gingham, no, he knows I enjoy my work. He supports me working - he's my biggest fan. He's even come along on a few projects.

It's the thought of giving up some of my dreams, some of my aspirations, some of my freedom and independence that scares me. (I'd capitalize it and put it in bold, but I'm not that kind of girl.) Yeah, that's what really scares me.

But then...

I never expected to meet someone like him. I never knew it was possible to find such a mix of strength and tenderness in one person. Let alone find that person. Of all the thousands of people I've met and places I've been, I've never met anyone like him. And the thought of being with him, comforts me. I'm so glad you found me and didn't stop chasing me. Thank you.

80 days left

2008-06-11T10:32:00.002-06:00

I realized this morning I have 80 days left to W-day. 'W' as in wedding.

How do I feel about this? Excited, nervous, thrilled, anxious, relieved, worried, all at once.

Who the flip discontinues size small?

2008-05-22T11:00:00.002-06:00

I'm trying to buy my dream motorcycle jacket and just got off the phone with one of the sales agents.

"I'm sorry, it looks like "X" company no longer makes this style in a small. They go from extra-small straight to medium."

What the flip???

So, my options are:

A. Chop off my left arm and shoulder so I can fit into an extra small

OR

B. Grow an extra two inches on each shoulder, get chest implants and gain an extra ten pounds so I fit into a medium

Again, I ask, who the flip discontinues size small??!!

Stay strong

2008-05-21T09:35:00.001-06:00

You're in the moment now
A bitter root
A wandering eye and then
The ties that bind start wearing thin, thin

You're in the moment now
When all you've been blessed with
Is not enough
Here's where the ground gets loose
Here's where the devils call your bluff

Stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
There's a new dawn to light our day, our day
You've gotta stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way

We've seen the tragic flaws
The tortured souls
The saints with feet of clay
Here's where sin becomes cliche'

We've come through wilderness and watched
The cloud by day
The burning sky into dawn
Have you forgotten who you are?
Did you forget whose trip you're on?

Stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
There's a new dawn to light our day, our day
We've gotta stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way

Get up, there's further to go
Get up, there's more to be done
Get up, this witness is sure
Get up, this race can be won
This race can be won

We've gotta stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
Our Father's dawn will light our day, our day
Come on and stay strong
His grip is sure
And His patience still endures
There'll be no letting go today, no way

Come on, and stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way

Newsboys ~ Stay Strong

2008-05-19T09:15:00.002-06:00

Remember how I was mourning the lack of music in my city this summer?
Well, I will no longer complain.

Guess who is coming.... Guess, guess, guess....that's right, my alltime, top-of-the-top, favourite, absolute best DJ in the world.

WOOHOO!!!

2008-05-07T22:25:00.002-06:00

I'm blown away by the amazing guy I have. The amount of love and respect he shows me leaves me speechless.

Alberta oil, 500 ducks and an image problem?

2008-05-05T10:50:00.003-06:00

It was high time for another political post. Read this article. The author makes an interesting point.

Fusion Dreams - May 17

2008-04-23T22:41:00.003-06:00

My favourite DJ of all time is coming to Canada and I won't be able to see him.

The chances that I'll make it out to see him spin in Spain this summer? Next to nonexistent.

AUGH! The cruelty of it all.

2008-03-19T22:39:00.003-06:00

I went out with the ladies for my birthday today...fantastic.

Amazing food

Thick coffee

Swirling music

For a moment I could have sworn I was at Aux Gazelle...

I'm back....

2008-03-09T22:02:00.002-06:00

For the past three weeks I've been on a 'Daniel' fast: no meat, no dairy and no sugar. Oh, and, no TV, music radio, Youtube or anything like that.

To celebrate we had Peters' Drive-In and attempted suicide. Fun times.

One week...

2008-02-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

I'm engaged! Today is our "one week" anniversary. :)

Remember the last blog post I wrote? The one about how lucky I was to have such a great guy who was whisking me off to the mountains? Yeah. Well, turns out he's not only great, but he's also a bit of a schemer. That "innocent" trip to the mountains? Not so innocent at all. It was a set-up. He had the whole thing planned out to be 'the occasion" even though he was telling me that it was just an innocent escape.

Breakfast at the Banff Springs. Walking through the crisp air. And of course, a gorgeous ring. *sigh*

...I just realized I'm not even writing in complete sentences. Oh dear. Guess I'm a little smitten. And still in shock that he asked.

Anyways, we've been engaged for a week. We've set a date, booked venues and things are moving along nicely. Amazing how much can happen in such a short time.

I am a lucky girl

2008-02-02T19:53:00.001-07:00

As I mentioned yesterday, I am blessed with an amazing boyfriend. Amazing. I'd put it in all caps and underline it in pink on a flashing neon background, but it would not be nearly enough to describe just how wonderful he is. Also, it's a bit ostentatious.

You know what he decided today? I'm getting too stressed out and worked up about things. He's decided I need a break. Tomorrow he's taking me to Banff for the day. A whole day in the mountains. What a sweetheart. (And so perceptive and kind too).

And, he called me "his girl" today. Awww.

It's been a year

2008-02-01T23:16:00.000-07:00

What a crazy month it's been.

First, I miss the anniversary of my grandfather's death. I had a little tribute post drafted and then never posted it. Hopefully one day I will.

I miss the one year anniversary of my blog, and, more importantly, the chance to thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for caring about me enough to check in every so often and read about what's going on in my world.

Just this past week I missed another anniversary. The official one-year-since-I-left-for-Europe. Of course, that was the day that a massive cold front hit my part of the country and knocked out my internet for four days. (Too make matters even worse, the weather was in the positive digits in Vienna, with plenty of sunshine. Augh, why do I do this whole "living in Canada" thing?!)

My adopted Mom in Vienna e-mailed me to let me know I was missing the social highlight of the year, and she was fondly remembering experienceing it together last year.

For the record, I've been in 'partial' mourning for the past month. Not because my life is horrible, (it isn't, actually, it's going really well, I have an amazing boyfriend and things are getting serious, plus I'm doing contract work for a highly respected and influential organization), it's just that...sigh....

I miss so many things. My Opa, my Oma, my Grandma, my Onkle Oscar, my 'A' mom and dad, living in Vienna, fresh Nespresso Espresso (Ristretto of course, a lightly sour note and an intensive body...mmm), walking or taking transit everywhere, watching the sun set behind the Ratthaus, the heavy perfume of roses wafting through the Volksgarten, strolling along the River with D and S, moving to the music with K, dance lessons with Toni Braxton and L, wearing skirts everyday and not having to worry about nylons, sharing an appreciation for the finer elements of life with G, singing German worship music, going to open air concerts with thousands of attendees, exploring the streets and alleyways, drinking massive amounts of Red Bull to pull 21-hour days on four hours of sleep, exploring the largest shoe store in Austria, shopping at Müller, playing with Katze, have to go through the building door and up a flight of stairs before getting to my apartment, listening to Serbian music with the girls, talking with my 'A' mom and ... I could keep on going.

Is it possible to be homesick? I think I am.

2008-01-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

My parents are planning a trip to Europe in a few weeks. I am jealous. REALLY jealous.

Why do I work? Why do I have courses?

I have my passport, I should just go. Three weeks in Europe? Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

Das Beste

2008-01-21T22:32:00.000-07:00

Ich habe einen Schatz gefunden
Und er trägt deinen Namen
So wunderschön und wertvoll,
Von keinem Geld der Welt zu bezahlen

Du schläfst neben mir ein,
Ich könnt' dich die ganze Nacht betrachten
Seh'n wie du schläfst, hör'n wie du atmest,
Bis wir am morgen erwachen

Du hast es wieder einmal geschafft,
Mir den Atem zu rauben
Wenn du neben mir liegst,
Dann kann ich es kaum glauben,
Dass jemand wie ich, sowas Schönes wie dich, verdient hat

Du bist das Beste was mir je passiert ist
Es tut so gut wie du mich liebst
Vergess' den Rest der Welt,
Wenn du bei mir bist
Du bist das Beste was mir je passiert ist
Es tut so gut wie du mich liebst
Ich sag's dir viel zu selten,
Es ist schön, dass es dich gibt

Dein Lachen macht süchtig,
Fast so als wär' es nicht von dieser Erde
Auch wenn deine Nähe Gift wär',
Ich würd bei dir sein,
Solange bis ich sterbe

Dein Verlassen würde Welten zerstör'n,
Doch daran will ich nicht denken
Viel zu schön ist es mit dir,
Wenn wir uns gegenseitig Liebe schenken

Betank mich mit Kraft
Nimm mir Zweifel von den Augen
Erzähl' mir 1.000 Lügen, ich würd' sie dir alle glauben
Doch ein Zweifel bleibt,
Dass ich, jemand wie dich, verdient hab'

Du bist das Beste was mir je passiert ist
Es tut so gut wie du mich liebst
Vergess' den Rest der Welt,
Wenn du bei mir bist
Du bist das Beste was mir je passiert ist
Es tut so gut wie du mich liebst
Ich sag's dir viel zu selten, Silbermond
Es ist schön, dass es dich gibt'

Du bist das Beste was mir je passiert ist
Es tut so gut wie du mich liebst
Ich sag's dir viel zu selten,
Es ist schön, dass es dich gibt'

Ich sag's dir viel zu selten, es ist schön, dass es dich gibt

~ Silbermond, Das Beste

Scientia potentia est

2008-01-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I don't think I can do this. The whole letting go of things, letting down my guard. Telling you things? That's rather intimidating - make that very intimidating.

Part of me earns for the open road, a suitcase and a spicy perfume. That part of me wants to leave. Just leave. Leave the past, the turmoil, the arguments, leave it all behind. Re-build my walls.

At the same time, there is another part of me that doesn't want to. There is a part of me that doesn't want to let this go. That part of me is ok with staying. More than just being ok with staying, that part of me wants to stay. Even if that means telling you things. Even if that means being hurt.

My plans for the evening...

2008-01-15T17:33:00.000-07:00

I'm hanging out with M's sister and this guy. Should be great :)

2008-01-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

The better part of one's life consists of one's friendships
Abraham Lincoln

I heartily agree. Many of my favourite memories were made with friends:

- playing Beauty Parlour and scarring our cousins as we emerged from the room "beautiful" aka. surrounded in clouds of cheap perfume (the more the better) with streaks of pink blush on our cheeks and and red dollar store lipstick on our teeth
- sneaking to 7/11 on our recess breaks and buying bags of five cents candies (Cinnamon Hot Lips and gummi frogs....mmm)
- running through backalleys and across the streets to escape from the bad guys (Nazis, thugs, parents, slave traders)
- spending the afternoon at the library reading Babysitter and Saddle Club books
- meeting every week for coffee at our special hangout and each time trying to sit in the same threadbare chairs (they're still there)
- getting up early to go running down streets that we had named after Calvin Klein perfumes (Eternity, Obsession, Contradiction)
- meeting in TD Square and going for lunch in Devonian gardens
- driving down Memorial looking at the city lights and talking about boys, music and the future
- sitting in art class passing notes and joking about Manet, complaining about Gauguin and learning to appreciate Picasso
- grabbing a room in Comms and pulling all day (or until we got bored) study marathons
- discussing the merits of Captain Morgan
- surviving a volleyball class where the ball (or was it the teammates?) seemed to be attacking us
- making a pact to go cliff jumping together and then both having the courage to go do it
- ringing in the New Year with Lucky Duck champagne and movies
- dancing like the night would never end
- releasing the creative side and bonding over paint, stencils and ceramics
- soaking up the sun while strolling along the Danube and praying and talking about life
- meeting at the Glenbow and exploring the Renior exhibit
- taking a break from assignments to watch the wedding planner and then leaving school at three in the morning
- pulling a 21 hour day on only four hours of sleep with copious amounts of Red Bull and loud music
- texting at all hours of the day (and night) with updates on our lives
- marching into class together with French Vanilla and English Toffee cappuccinos

Thank you for being in my life.

2008-01-14T00:02:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy week and this coming week is going to be just as crazy - if not more so.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about things. Part of me is excited to see everything that is going on and happening. Another part of me is worried, anxious even. That part of me wonders if I should be taking a break. Leaving things and just getting away for a bit. (But, right about then the other part of me pipes up: "Isn't that running away? You don't run away from conflict. You run into it so you can resolve it sooner.") *sigh*

2008-01-12T00:39:00.000-07:00

He used the 'L' word this evening. Ok, not in the way you're probably thinking, but he used it nonetheless.

"I love your smile."

Funny how something so small can make me so happy.

2008-01-09T21:33:00.001-07:00

Volksgarten ~ April 24, 2007

Somedays I feel like my heart is going to break. I miss living in Vienna. The sites, the sounds, the language. As much as I complain about 'Wienerisch' slang, I miss it. At least I have thousands of memories and pictures. And, an amazing guy who is willing to go there with me for a visit sometime.

The grape vine

2008-01-09T19:20:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's true. Rumours have started swirling. It was only a matter of time I guess. My girlfriend called me today to fill me in on the latest...

Apparently I am engaged.

Not only that, I apparently drove to Red Deer yesterday to inform my parents I was getting married in September.

Yeah. Next thing I know I'll apparently be pregnant and and moving to Malaysia.

So. In the interest of public information and keeping up with everyone else's business, let me clarify the situation. (Although, let me state that this technically isn't your business. But, as with everything else on my blog, I'm "sharing" this information with you.)

Yes, I am seeing someone. Yes, we are past the "just friends" stage. However, we are not (need me to repeat that?), we are not, N-O-T, engaged, betrothed, living together, or secretly married and as such we are not separated, divorced, taking a break or seeing other individuals. Is that clear?

Secondly, the whole Red Deer story. Where do I start? My parents to do not live in Red Deer. They do however, know my current relationship status. And, they also know that I would not be so presumptuous as to inform them who I am planning on marrying and when. Come on, what do you take me for?

That out of the way, you might like to know that yes, I did go to Red Deer, and yes, he did come with me. We did not go to meet parents or scout out possible elopement getaways (Red Deer? Come on, if I were to elope, Red Deer is not the place to do it!). We went to hang out with my favourite (and absolute best cousin in the world) and her fiancee as well as visit my aunt and uncle with their cute little girl and wannabe-Panther cat. Yes, we had a marvelous time.

Now you know the latest rumours about me and the facts behind them. I almost feel as if I should apologize that they weren't more glamorous. Maybe next time someone could start a rumour about me having a house in French Polynesia or owning five pairs of Manolo Blahniks.

P.S. Special shout out to C who was brave enough to face my indignation and let me know what was circulating. Thanks girl! You're one in a million. It's great to know that I've got you to watch my back.

Philippians 4:6-7

2008-01-06T08:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an intense day. As I was getting ready to head off to bed, my Mom reminded me of these verses.

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Note to M.

2007-12-28T00:31:00.000-07:00

I like that you still ask if you can call me. The respect you show me makes me feel treasured. Thank you.

2007-12-26T22:37:00.000-07:00

Thank you for standing up for me tonight. The calm resolve in your voice and the steel in your eyes meant a lot. I could try and describe it, but I can't do it justice. Please know that while I can't put my feelings into words, your comments tonight meant the world to me. Thank you.

Note to M.

2007-12-23T20:45:00.001-07:00

I think I like you. Let me rephrase that, I know I like you.

Things that scare me - #3

2007-12-23T19:44:00.000-07:00

Going through childbirth.

Scares me spitless. To the point of never wanting to touch a guy.

I'd say it scares the **** out of me, but that's not strong enough.

Don't try and trivialize it by saying I'd look so cute pregnant or it's just a fear of the unknown.
Giving birth scares me. Please don't try to discredit that.

And don't - do not - preach a sermon about how it's worth it or how the positives outweigh the negatives. I've heard that all my life and look at how convincing that argument has been.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

2007-12-22T20:24:00.000-07:00

I spent the day in the mountains - hiking through the snow, eating Mexican cuisine and enjoying part of my Christmas present: a sleigh ride. Not just any sleigh ride, an hour tour through the forests and over the fields and marshes around Banff. Here are a few pictures of the day.

Coming towards the mountains

Sunshine on the mountaintops
(experimenting with the black and white settings on my camera)

Elk on the drive into and out of Johnston Canyon

En route to the Lower and Upper Falls of Johnston Canyon

2007-12-16T19:15:00.000-07:00

Only two days of work left. My last workterm for school has flown by. I can hardly believe that some much has happened since I got back from Europe.

I know I haven't been posting regularly, hopefully things will get better once I finish work.

2007-12-11T22:37:00.000-07:00

In all the vague postings recently, I thought I'd break from the pattern and share something lighthearted and good...

I saved my company over two thousand dollars today. :)

2007-12-11T22:32:00.000-07:00

I'll be the first to admit it, I get scared easily.

This evening I had a less than pleasant talk with someone about the past. Part of me really wants to run away from the issue. Another part of me wants to act all tough and pretend things are cool. Another part of me wants to grit my teeth and face things head on.

I decided to face things head on.

(But, I looked into flights "just for the fun of it" and, they're tempting. Very tempting.)

2007-12-09T00:25:00.000-07:00

And then you threaten me...

Thanks. I don't know how I'm going to be able to continue this.

2007-12-08T23:46:00.001-07:00

You are one of the hardest people to please. Actually, now that I pause and think about it for a moment, I think you are the hardest person to please. Nothing I seem to do seems to be quite right. I don't know how long I can keep trying to please you. Not only is it incredibly difficult to make you happy, it never seems to be good enough.

And then you pull the "guilt" card. "Well, I guess we know where your priorities are. This shows what's really important to you."

What the --- ? (Insert whatever but I prefer to leave blank because I don't a word that properly describes my feeling) All this time I have been trying to make you happy, to be a success, to do things how you want them done and you play the guilt card?

When will what I do be good? Not ok. But good. No if's, and's, or but's?

For the record, it really hurts when you play that card. It makes me feel like....no, I'm not answering that in public.

2007-12-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

I spent the last hour and a half doing research for a paper for school/work. The amount of information available is phenomenal - to the point of making me contemplate quitting work and school, cocooning myself up in a library somewhere with my laptop and Internet connection and reading, reading, reading.

2007-11-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

I made a choice today. And although I always thought it would be a hard decision to make, it wasn't. It actually seemed quite natural.

Part of what I've been learning lately is not to do things "my way". (That phrase always conjures up the image of Frank Sinatra). Having learned to be independent this requires some adjustments. We'll see how things go.

2007-11-24T13:20:00.000-07:00

I feel like I am caught in the middle of a business transaction. Only, this time, it's not about haggling for Italian artwork, German chocolate or Spanish leather, it's about my heart. "Should we go with A who provides _, _ and _, or should we go with B who provides _, _ and _? Or, maybe we need to take a look at C and D, you know, shop around a bit and see what's out there?"

Can we please stop treating this like a business transaction? I only have so much heart and right now, it's feeling very caught in the middle.

2007-11-21T22:24:00.000-07:00

"There's a gentleness about you. You're strong and yet gentle. You're a leader but you're submissive in that you know when to pull back and follow."

~ That happened this evening. What a unique and meaningful compliment.

2007-11-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

This week has been a blur. Everything that's gone on, all the tears shed, all the misunderstandings cleared up, I feel like a month has gone past. This afternoon is going to be the finale of a week caught in whirlwind - moving forward but whirling through the past and taking pieces with into the future. I'm nervous, apprehensive and excited, part of me can hardly wait. This afternoon is going to be memorable.

Aut disce aut discede.

I am His

2007-11-18T08:24:00.000-07:00

I first came across the following song last summer, while living with my cousin. While I enjoyed listening to it then, it took on special meaning while I was in Austria. My favourite part is probably the last two verses.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

In Christ Alone ~ Newsboys

Brilliant

2007-11-13T12:33:00.001-07:00

Typography and chocolate? Love it.

2007-11-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

Sweeping eggshells still at 3 a.m.
We're trying far too hard
The tattered thought balloons above our heads
Sinking in the weight of all we need to say
Why's and what if's have since long played out
Left us short on happy endings

And it's no one's fault
There's no black and white
Only you and me
On this endless night
And as the hours run away
With another life
Oh, darling can't you see
It's now or never
It's now or never

~ Now or Never, Josh Groban

2007-11-12T12:32:00.000-07:00

I said something about the past and it has unleashed an ominous storm.

Not doing too great.

When it rains it pours

2007-11-09T20:13:00.000-07:00

Two in less than 24 hours? Yeah right. I can hardly keep my own life together, now I have to consider keeping someone else's together too?

Not cool.

Ok, well, actually it is rather cool. I'm flattered and all that other stuff, but at the same time? Yeah. I don't think I'm in a good place to be having a relationship right now. Let alone trying to pick one over the other.

Or, is my problem that I am being to picky and should get over the concept of holding out for "Mr. Perfect".

Telepathic? Not me.

2007-11-04T13:46:00.000-07:00

Ever had this happen to you?

Someone asks you about something and you're not quite sure what he or she is getting at? You look perplexed, "Excuse me, what are you talking about?"

After a few minutes of vague and elusive answers you still aren't sure what the point is. You ask, "What is going on? I'm not sure what you are getting at. Can you explain it to me?" He or she does. Well, sort of. The "explanation" is hardly an explanation at all. In fact, it's more of an accusation.

By now you're not only getting annoyed, but you're also feeling a little blindsided. To make matters worse, you still aren't sure exactly what the purpose of the conversation is. What is going on? Instead of loosing your temper you ask for clarification. Again.

And, once again, the response is vague. But not only is the response vague but it is also pointed enough for you to know that this person is upset about something and that something has to do with you.

What is that something? How is that something related to you? You're still not sure. You're frustrated. You play the 'blunt' card. "I don't understand. Tell me, what am I supposed to know? What do you mean?"

The response?

"You're a smart girl. Figure it out."

For the record, I hate that answer. Not despise. Hate.

Yes, I am a smart girl.

But you?

You. Have the courage to tell me what is upsetting you so much. And, if you don't have the courage? Why are we having this conversation in the first place? Why do you have the audacity to assume I'll know what is upsetting you?

If you're upset with me, be blunt. Enough of this cryptic behaviour. Be a man (or a woman) and just say it. And if you can't say it (because you're scared or whatever else), then take a moment and think. Should you really be opening your mouth in the first place?

By being vague, you're not helping the situation. You're getting more upset with me for 'not being smart enough to know what's bothering you' and I'm getting more upset with you for not telling me straight up. Great. Wouldn't it just have been easier to tell me exactly what the problem is?

You may be shocked to discover that although I have a few guesses on what is bothering you, I'm not sure which one of those guesses is correct. Do you really want me to guess? (No, no you don't. My guesses aren't 'nice' ones.)

I was asking for the truth, just tell it to me. And if it is something uncomfortable like "You're being a bitch", it'll be good for you to get it off your chest. And, it'll be good for me to know I'm bothering you. Yes, I might ask you questions like "What specifically about my behaviour is bothering you?", but how am I supposed to change if I don't know?

You really don't feel comfortable telling me? Fine. But, do not - do not - expect me to know what you are thinking. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever.

2007-11-02T21:30:00.001-06:00

I was given flowers today. Nothing too glamorous and yet nothing to ordinary. A few lilies, Gerber daises, and some funky purple flowers. It was the perfect way to end a stressful work week.

(I'll try and remember to post a picture next week).

A royal confusion

2007-10-27T22:24:00.000-06:00

Some of you may be aware that the premier of Alberta, Ed Stalmach was elected last year through vote splitting in the Progressive Conservative party. A while back, he decided to open the heated debate of Alberta oil royalties. (Although I kept a basic knowledge of what was going in Canada while I was studying in Europe, I'm not sure exactly when he commissioned a review of the oil royalties).

The panel that had been commissioned with reviewing the oil royalties policies released it's findings in September 2007. What a fiasco ensued. The panel found that the Alberta government had not been charging "appropriate" royalties and recommended increasing them. By how much? Well, from what I understand the increase would result to an extra two billion a year for the Alberta government. Two billion? Pretty sweet. I could do a lot with two billion. In fact, I probably wouldn't even know where to start spending. For the average citizen two billion is plenty. Ok, more than plenty. That's enough to buy multiple homes in the million plus neighbourhoods around Calgary and Edmonton. Oh, and of course, you could also purchase quite a few of those Corvette convertibles that every affluential-man-scared-of-looking-old-and-loosing-the-ladies just HAS to have. I mean, come on. Two billion? That's a tonne of money.

Anyways, real estate and Corvettes aside, the findings of the commission resulted in a fire storm. There were those who were furious with the government for "letting so much money slip away". Then there those who were furious with the government for commissioning a report that would have the audacity to suggest implementing higher royalties. Then there were those who were furious with the government for commissioning a report that was based on faulty data. And then, there were those who were furious that the findings of the royalty review report was getting more press than the "important" issues like global warming and saving the polar bears.

In the middle of the fire storm a number of companies spoke out. Some condemned the report because it uses numbers (such as the start-up costs for an oil well) based on what the costs were three or more years ago. Some condemned the report because it's implementation would mean higher production costs and lower profits. The Premier reminded Albertans to calm down. He was still reviewing the findings and would present his plan in the near future.

Well. The near future has come and gone. On Thursday Premier Ed Stalmach made what some are calling his hardest decision since coming into office. He announced his plan. Drew a line in the sand. Laid down the law. Threw down the gauntlet. Call it whatever you want. He announced how his government was going to act on the royalty review. And what a decision it was.

Basically he is going to increase royalties.

He's not increasing royalties tomorrow though. He's leaving some time for the corporate world to "adjust", a whole year. Correct me if I am wrong, but he wants to implement these royalty increases in 2009.

(Sidebar: A year? A whole year? Are you kidding me? Companies have to shell out millions of dollars just to get an oil well running and now they are supposed to factor increased royalties into their budget? Yeah. Can't imagine the oil boardrooms were sedate when that bomb hit.)

But wait - there is more... The premier is not acting on all the suggestions the commission made. In fact, instead of increasing royalties to the aforementioned two billion additional royalty dollars/year, the government is only going to increase royalties to result in 1.4 billion dollars/year. Depending on how you look at it, companies are being "saved" from paying 600 million in royalties each year or, as certain political parties would have you believe, Albertans are "loosing" 600 million in royalties/year.

What will the consequences be? Well, that depends on what happens over the next few weeks. A number of companies threatened to reduce Alberta investments if the royalties were increased. Will they? I'm not sure. In speaking with colleges at work, opinions very. Some feel the reduction of investment in Alberta will bring a slight cool down to the economy. A cool down some feel is desperately needed to bring balance and stability. Some feel the royalty hikes don't go far enough and that the Premier caved into pressure from oil companies.

How do I feel? Well, besides wishing I had taken courses in economics and petroleum so that I'd have a better understanding of the situation, I'm concerned. I do love my province. I don't want it to end up in shambles (economic or other). The lack of clear and consistent messaging from the companies that would be impacted by the increased royalties is a concern. However, so is the chest-thumping-my-way-or-the-highway attitude that seems to radiating from the provincial government. If this keeps up, the Alberta economy could loose it's title as Canada's leading economy. Prince to pauper? Wouldn't be the first time.

I'm sorry

2007-10-22T19:45:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I tried to stand up for someone I loved and it backfired. No, backfired isn't a strong enough word. It was a complete failure. No, that's still not quite what the word I am looking for. Disaster? Cataclysmic catastrophe? Yeah, that provides a more complete description of happened.

I'm so sorry. It shouldn't have gone so far. I'm not sure what can all be done to make it better, but I'll try. I know I can't take it back, but I'll try to make things better.

2007-10-21T18:53:00.000-06:00

I spent the afternoon hanging out with some new acquaintances from church. One of the girls made an interesting (albeit, trite) point: you can't compare people or replace people with people.
Yes, you're probably rolling your eyes, "Oh, A. once again, you're so not original."

I think she has a point though, and although it may not be an eloquent or witty phrase, I think she is right. I've been missing people from my past these few weeks. And, been rather disappointed with some of the new people I have been meeting. Her comment was a well deserved verbal slap in the face. I've been expecting these new acquaintances to behave like my old friends. Really it's no wonder I've been disappointed - I've been expecting the impossible. No wonder someone got annoyed with me for being so mean today.

Last week I tried to work on my character flaw of self-centeredness. Judging from how this afternoon has gone, I think I need to work on my lack of acceptance of others.

2007-10-13T23:20:00.003-06:00

I'm questioning if this is really where I want to be. I feel caught between two worlds and I'm not convinced I'm currently in the right one.

2007-09-28T19:36:00.000-06:00

Nn- now th- that don't kil me,
Can only make me stronger

Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD

I've had that going through my head the past 48 hours. Rather fitting eh?

----------------------
Never thought I would quote the Bible and Kanye West in the same blog post.

2007-09-25T22:51:00.000-06:00

Sometimes life hurts. Really hurts.

This month? Not so great. Don't get me wrong, I'm still breathing and things weren't life shattering difficult, but September hasn't been that great.

I miss my friends and my life in Europe. I miss the companionship, the freedom and the acceptance.

I've seen a number of "old" friends since I've been back. Some of them I was thrilled to see. A select few have moved into being aquaintances. Funny how lives change. All of a sudden you notice things that really bother you, or you no longer have anything in common. With a girlfriend of mine, our lives have taken us two seperate directions. But, put us together and we still get a long great. With another person, we don't get along. We annoy each other. Some one else is moving away. I don't want him to leave. But, that will be in another post, for another day.

So back to life hurting... (sorry, I'm all over the place today)

I came back from a weekend get away to the news that two family members of a friend died from Carbon Monoxide poisoning last Friday.

This morning my grandmother died.

I don't know what to say. There are so many thoughts running through my head.

How do I describe the sorrow I feel for my friend?

How do I describe my sorrow over losing my Oma?

How do I describe the sorrow I feel for my little siblings - they'll not have the privilege of growing up with Oma's applesauce. They won't know what it is like to sit in silence across the table from her. They won't experience sleeping over at Opa and Oma's and having Pfeffernusse cookies and milk before bed. That is what makes me really sad. I have those experiences. They mean so much to me. But Esther? Joseph? Even Timothy and Sara? They don't have those experiences. They won't have those experiences.

That is what hurts the most.

I am going to the sunshine

2007-09-20T21:41:00.001-06:00

While all the Calgarians suffer in 10 degree weather with rain and fog, I am going to Toronto, where, on Saturday the high is supposed to reach 26 degrees.

Oh yeah.

One month

2007-09-12T21:07:00.000-06:00

Well. I "celebrated" by one month in Canada anniversary over the weekend. I haven't quite decided what to do with my blog. I'm thinking of keeping it. Those of you who have been reading this blog merely to track my process through Europe can stop reading it now. Yes. I said stop.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hallo,

Also, dieser Blog habe ich gegrundet fuer Freunde und Verwandte als ich in Europa war. Jetzt wo ich in Kanada bin habe ich gedacht dass ich es ein bisschen aufmische (ist dass ueberhaupt ein Deutsches wort?). Na ja, aufmischen ist verliecht nicht das richtige wort. Ich moechte jetzt manche von meine Erlebnisse und erfahrungen hier in Kanada mit euch teilen. Es wuerde mich freuen wenn ihr mir Kommentare hinterlassen wurdet (deutsch, englisch, spanish, egal).

Liebe gruesse, (ich vermisse euch)

Anna Elisabeth

2007-08-18T23:05:00.000-06:00

It's a Saturday night and I'm on my laptop. My cousin and I are IMing each other and sharing a bottle of wine. She's sitting across the room chatting online with her fiance and I'm fooling around (aka. multi-tasking) with my laptop on the other side.

I like Saturdays like this. The day was hectic - celebrating my other cousin's wedding. Lots of people, lots of preparations. The final visitors have left, the last dishes are being washed and the leftovers stored away for future consumption. We are socializing via technology in the basement over Chardonnay - excellent.

I'm back....

2007-08-09T07:37:00.000-06:00

After a ten hour flight from Frankfurt, I've arrived safe and sound in Canada. The next few days I'm spending with family and friends and then I'll start posting more pictures and stories from my trip.

Thanks A & A for showing up at the airport. It was great to see you!

Bis morgen

2007-08-07T04:42:00.000-06:00

It's my last night in Europe. The trek back to Canada starts at five in the morning. Can't say I'm looking forward to that. What I am looking forward to is seeing all my family and friends.

See you tomorrow...

Canada calling

2007-07-27T07:20:00.001-06:00

In two hours I have the first of two telephone interviews. An hour later I have the second interview. I am... I'm not sure. Excited. Nervous. Yes to both.

Either way, I know they will be good learning experiences.

Aut disce aut discede.

Formula 1

2007-07-22T14:23:00.000-06:00

Scammed the Formula 1 system out of nearly €2000 today...I was one of 12 who walked straight through with out shelling out a single Euro cent. Amazing experience.

In other news, I am still alive, but Internet is sporadic so don't be expecting regular updates.

Tomorrow is Heidelberg.

Tuesday we haven't planned yet.

Wednesday is Rome.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

2007-07-17T09:18:00.000-06:00

I’m sitting on the train leaving Vienna, destination Stuttgart, Germany. Am I excited? Sort of. Sad? Sort of. I’m a bit of everything actually.

S and K stayed with me until the train left. It was bittersweet. I’ve always watched with a tinge of contempt as travelers draw out their goodbyes. You can tell when someone is excited to leave and when someone just can’t bear to turnaround and board the train. Today I was one of those who didn’t want to leave. Who turned around for just one more hug, just one more conversation, anything to make time slow down. Anything to stop the inevitable.

The German language has a wonderful word for good-bye, “Auf Wiedersehen” which is like saying “Till next time”.

Auf Wiedersehen Vienna

Random thoughts

2007-07-14T17:27:00.000-06:00

Flames to dust,
Lovers to friends,
Why do all good things come to an end?
~ Nelly Furtado, All good things (come to an end)

I just got back from a going away dinner my friends organized for me. I'm already living in my last 24 hours in Vienna. Not quite sure how I feel about that.

C reminded me not to look at this like the end but rather the beginning of a new chapter. But what if I'm torn between the chapters? On the one hand there are aspects of the "finishing" chapter I'd like to keep but at the same time, can I experience the "beginning" chapter if I don't let go of the previous one?

I'm looking forward to seeing everyone back home but at the same time I don't want to leave my friends or my lifestyle that I have here. Any one have any ideas on how to merge the two worlds?

As I said goodbye to D today, she looked straight at me and said "You'll be back. I don't know how or when, but I know you'll come back." I hope she's right. But then again, maybe it's time for me to go back to the culture I grew up in and live a life without all the traveling. I suspect though that I won't feel really at home. The reverse culture shock is scaring me already. I remember how bad it was last time I came back. Not something I really look forward to dealing with again.

I am a little confused. On the one hand I love where I come from but at the same time the culture and life style here appeal to me on a level I can't explain. I come here and I somehow feel at home. As if this fits. But at the same time, I am thrilled to drive down the streets and see the mountains, drink water straight from the tap and see all my friends. There are aspects of each culture that frustrate and annoy me, but yet they both feel good. Like I almost belong. But not quite. I'm still looking for my home. And at the moment, it could be here, it could be there.

Now it's just a matter of getting some sleep and enjoying my last few hours.

I'll write more when I'm in Germany.

...flames to dust....

Platja d'Aro

2007-07-13T01:12:00.000-06:00

Platja d'Aro is a popular town on Spain's eastern coast. Although not popular with international tourists, the town's population swells during the summer months as Spaniards (mostly Catalan) come to enjoy the sights and sounds. The water is not as warm as further south, but with plus 30 Celsius temperatures, it offers a welcome relief from the heat.

I spent Friday evening - Sunday morning here. M's family has a summer appartment ten minutes from the beach so we spent most of our time down there. I've never gone on a beachside vacation before so this was a real treat.

A sidewalk tile

Me at the beach - with black sparkly mineral deposits from the sand and salt water

Me at Platja de la Barceloneta

2007-07-12T03:34:00.001-06:00

2007-07-11T15:16:00.000-06:00

So...here's the deal. Tomorrow I am cooking a Canadian meal for my guest family and members of their extended family. It's going to be a rather large production so I have a lot to get ready for. As a result I can't post much now, but I'll give you a brief overview of my schedule in Spain.

03.07 - Arrived in Barcelona
Saw the Mediterranean for the first time in my life. The sun's last rays were shimmering across the dimpled water. It reminded me of dew on the yellow roses in my Grandpa's garden.

04.07 - Barcelona
Walked along Passeig de Gracia, snapped a few pictures of Caso Batllo and wandered down to Platja de la Barceloneta.

05.07 - Barcelona
Shopping on my own in the grocery store: bought a nectarine from Chile, yellow plum from Andalusia and a red plum from Valencia. Strolled down Av del Portal de l'Angel and La Rambla.
In the evening headed out to the countryside after looking at Sagrada Familia.

06.07 - Montserrat and in Platja d'Aro
In the morning explored the local market and countryside around M's hometown. Met an American and his little daughter who wanted to be my best friend - she took pictures with us and wanted to go exploring together.
Once M got home from work we headed out to Platja d'Aro for a stroll along the beach, some Spanish delicacies and a night on the town. Amazing.

07.07 - Platja d'Aro
Beach. Beach. Beach. Oh, and more beach.
In the evening went boating with M's family. I got to drive. We stopped along a rocky cliff face and went swimming.

08.07 - Cap de Creus and Cadaques
Drove to Spain's easternmost tip, met up with a bunch of M's friends and spent the afternoon in a secluded cove. Besides laying on the beach we went swimming, snorkeling and cliff jumping.
In the evening we stopped for refreshments (and souvenirs) in Cadaques.

09.07 - Barcelona
Took the train back to Barcelona. Exploring and shopping.

10.07 - Barcelona to Vienna
Snapped the last few pictures. Had an hour long delay at the airport but managed to stay far away from the designer boutiques. I paid €3.4o for water though.

I'm back in Vienna

2007-07-10T16:38:00.000-06:00

I made it safe and sound (with the exception of a few sunburns). Spain was amazing. Pictures and stories will be posted over the next few days.

2007-07-02T23:35:00.000-06:00

In a matter of hours, I head off for a vacation in Spain. You may be thinking "What? She's in Europe and she's taking a vacation from her vacation?" Yes and no.

Italy, Serbia, France, Bosnia, Finland, Morocco, Slovakia - those are only a few of the places the exchange students have visited during the past months. Myself? I went to Germany over Easter. I'd decided in Canada already that I would not do much traveling until the semester was over. Partly because I wanted to really experience Austrian life and partly because I love traveling and know I'd end up not focusing on my studies.

My last European exams have been written and school notes have been packed away. Now the real Europe trip can begin.

**I'm not sure how regularly I'll be posting while I am in Spain - if you don't hear from me during the next week, don't worry. I'm not dead - just sailing on the Mediterranean, strolling through a vineyard or lounging on a beach somewhere. I'll be back soon enough. **

2007-06-29T16:19:00.000-06:00

As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, last Saturday I went to the Donauinselfest. I'd written that it was one of the largest open air music festivals in Europe. Well, I stand corrected. According to my host parents and the Viennese media, the Donauinselfest IS THE largest open air music festival in Europe.

Saturday night, I watched the fireworks with some friends from church. This is one of a number of snapshots. I've tried to capture not only the fire cracker itself, but also show a glimpse of the boats on the river and the reflections in the water. It was a short, but picturesque display.

A little turn

2007-06-29T15:51:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow came...and in seven minutes it'll be gone.

I'm still alive. I made it through my exam well - I think. Three questions, fourty-five minutes on NPO communication and fundraising.

I also made it through the impromptu coffee excursion with half the class. I made it through hanging out with a friend before he leaves. I made it through walking into my favourite coffee store for the last time. I made it through a pair of deep blue eyes and I almost made it through shoe shopping with my friend.

Almost. That's when the tears came. Not gushing though (bawling in public? in a shoe store? there weren't even any expensive shoes to justify my outburst - so of course I couldn't really let it all out).

But she knew. She looked at me sitting there, my bag and jacket on the floor, two pairs of shoes on my lap - trying to find words to express my sorrow. Tears welling in my eyes. And she looked at me and listened. Thank you God, for creating ears. She looked at me and listened. And then she smiled, ever so faintly. Not a smirk. Not a grin. A little turn of the lips. "I feel your pain. I see you hurting. I know. But it'll be ok. You'll be ok."

Thank you D.

Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

2007-06-28T16:16:00.000-06:00

In nine hours I write my last final exam. I see my classmates for the last time. I go for coffee for the last time. I say goodbye, hopefully not for the last time, but in most cases, probably for the last time.

I've been dreading this day ever since I arrived.

---

So denied
So I lied
Are you the now or never kind?
In a day
And a day love,
I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing, to be had
Are you cool with just tonight?
Here's a toast,
To all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Put your name on the line
Along with place and time
Want to stay, not to go
I want to ditch the logical
Here's a toast,
To all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

All my time is frozen motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more?
Don't let me let you go
Don't let me let you go

Here's a toast
To all those who hear me all too well

Here's to nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon
Too soon
Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye,
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

---

Tomorrow.... is now here.

Lyrics from Here's to the night by Eve 6.

An inconvienent truth...he's not setting a good example

2007-06-28T10:12:00.001-06:00

Finally! Someone has taken the time to calculate and combine a list of some of the damage done by the some of the self-proclaimed champions of the environment. It's about time these facts and figures came out into the open.

Emissions Omissions

Check it out, and please enlighten the next person who tells you that Al Gore is the embodiment of environmental awareness or David Suzuki the saviour of the dying planet.

Süßer Glücksbringer

2007-06-28T02:05:00.000-06:00

Some of you know that I'm not a huge fan of North American ice cream. After living here for so long I'm even less of a fan. Why?

Take a look at this picture. It's one of the latest Cremissimo creations: Süßer Glücksbringer.

Basically sweet [good] luck bringer. It's a mix of pistachio and stracciatella (white ice cream with chocolate) ice cream. The chocolate pieces are shaped like little four leave clovers and the pistachio ice cream like a large green four leave clover. And, instead of just a clear plastic air tight seal underneath the lid, there is a short little fairytale printed on the seal. In this case about a little three leaf clover who learns that to bring good luck you don't have be made in a certain way ( have four leaves instead of three) - you just have to make people happy (yes, it's a fairytale, but it's still kinda cute and it has a good lesson).

Pretty creative eh? And, a lot better than the typical North American flavours.

Bittersweet

2007-06-28T01:37:00.000-06:00

Last night I wrote my second last final exam. It's hard to believe that it's already the end of the semester. Time has flown by so quickly. On the one hand I'm excited because I worked hard during the semester so that I could 'party' hard now. So far I'm going to be going to Spain, Italy and Germany visiting lots of friends and relatives.
At the same time however, I'm sad. I've started to make close friendships and have really been accepted into the church I've been attending. My guest parents have been so kind and supportive. Even my guest brother has been easy to get along with. I have come to love the quirks of taking public transit everywhere and I will miss the proximity to everything. I will miss strolling along the river and going out for coffee with classmates. I will miss watching the last of the sun' rays paint the church steeple gold and the smell of fresh pastries from the bakery down the street. Sigh.
God really provided for me and it's been amazing to watch. I remember fighting panic attacks on my flight over because I was coming to a strange city without permanent accommodations. But He provided. And what a place He provided: high ceilings, walking distance to downtown and the best shopping street in the city and most importantly, a family who has practically adopted me. I've come to love it here.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't miss you. I do. I just wish there was someway of having you with me without having to give up the culture and lifestyle. I wish there was some way to merge the two worlds I live in.

So, I've decided: instead of depressing you all with how sad I am to be leaving, I'm going to try and post snapshots of my life here. One a day, for the rest of my trip. Ha, no, that's too optimistic. One a day until I forget. :)

Summer storm

2007-06-26T09:32:00.000-06:00

Last week we had a break in the high twenties weather. This was Thursday afternoon. I got home about three minutes before a strong wind storm blew in these clouds:

Last weekend....

2007-06-26T07:37:00.000-06:00

Every June one of the largest outdoor music festivals in Europe takes place on the Donauinsel in Vienna. Latest numbers I've heard put attendance at almost 1.5 million.

This is a clip from Saturday night. Over 15,000 participants just at this one show. About fourty feet from the stage. Four incredible hours.

This might give you a better idea...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoUoo3sKFec

(not my clip, but one of the best quality ones on youtube)

In case you're bored...

2007-06-19T15:36:00.001-06:00

So, as you may know I am writing this paper for school on stakeholder identification and corporate social responsibility (Yes, the 'civil society' bit is gone - thank goodness - it was boring me to tears).

In my research I came across this fascinating article:

Mitchell, R., & Agle, B. (1997, October). Toward a theory of stakeholder identification and salience: defining the principle of who and what really counts. Academy of Management Review, 22(4), 853-886.

The article is on a number of academic journal databases, you could try searching for it online or let me know you want to read it.

My study buddy

2007-06-18T13:33:00.000-06:00

2007-06-11T23:35:00.000-06:00

The past six days I've had company from Canada. My Dad and two of my little siblings are traveling through Europe and came to visit. They just left this morning and with them unfortunately, left my last excuse not to study. I probably won't be posting for the next few days as I have a Global Marketing final and a paper on civil society and corporate social responsibility to write.

Yesterday the family went to Schönbrunn Schloß (I stayed home to do homework and send off job applications for my next work term). Schönbrunn is the largest and most grandiose palace in Vienna. The grounds are extensive and include a maze and labyrinth, dove house, orange grove and a zoo (complete with Pandas, Penguins and Panthers). This is the view looking down from the Gloriette towards Schönbrunn.

Either learn or leave

Tante Gretel

Classy

Waging war in the kitchen

The pot calling the kettle

Haribo Goldbaeren

Debra Benton

Congratulations *shiningstar*

Congratulations!

Revelation in the 'hood

Fashion news

I am....

Sunday tunes

Child politics

Butterscotch Walnut cookies

Anthem

80 days left

Who the flip discontinues size small?

Stay strong

Alberta oil, 500 ducks and an image problem?

Fusion Dreams - May 17

I'm back....

One week...

I am a lucky girl

It's been a year

Das Beste

Scientia potentia est

My plans for the evening...

The grape vine

Philippians 4:6-7

Note to M.

Note to M.

Things that scare me - #3

Thursday, December 20, 2007

I am His

Brilliant

When it rains it pours

Telepathic? Not me.

A royal confusion

I'm sorry

I am going to the sunshine

One month

I'm back....

Bis morgen

Canada calling

Formula 1

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Random thoughts

Platja d'Aro

Me at Platja de la Barceloneta

I'm back in Vienna

A little turn

Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

An inconvienent truth...he's not setting a good example

Süßer Glücksbringer

Bittersweet

Summer storm

Last weekend....

In case you're bored...

My study buddy

Congratulations shiningstar