Sometimes life hurts. Really hurts.

This month? Not so great. Don't get me wrong, I'm still breathing and things weren't life shattering difficult, but September hasn't been that great.

I miss my friends and my life in Europe. I miss the companionship, the freedom and the acceptance.

I've seen a number of "old" friends since I've been back. Some of them I was thrilled to see. A select few have moved into being aquaintances. Funny how lives change. All of a sudden you notice things that really bother you, or you no longer have anything in common. With a girlfriend of mine, our lives have taken us two seperate directions. But, put us together and we still get a long great. With another person, we don't get along. We annoy each other. Some one else is moving away. I don't want him to leave. But, that will be in another post, for another day.

So back to life hurting... (sorry, I'm all over the place today)

I came back from a weekend get away to the news that two family members of a friend died from Carbon Monoxide poisoning last Friday.

This morning my grandmother died.

I don't know what to say. There are so many thoughts running through my head.

How do I describe the sorrow I feel for my friend?

How do I describe my sorrow over losing my Oma?

How do I describe the sorrow I feel for my little siblings - they'll not have the privilege of growing up with Oma's applesauce. They won't know what it is like to sit in silence across the table from her. They won't experience sleeping over at Opa and Oma's and having Pfeffernusse cookies and milk before bed. That is what makes me really sad. I have those experiences. They mean so much to me. But Esther? Joseph? Even Timothy and Sara? They don't have those experiences. They won't have those experiences.

That is what hurts the most.