Random thoughts

Flames to dust,
Lovers to friends,
Why do all good things come to an end?
~ Nelly Furtado, All good things (come to an end)


I just got back from a going away dinner my friends organized for me. I'm already living in my last 24 hours in Vienna. Not quite sure how I feel about that.

C reminded me not to look at this like the end but rather the beginning of a new chapter. But what if I'm torn between the chapters? On the one hand there are aspects of the "finishing" chapter I'd like to keep but at the same time, can I experience the "beginning" chapter if I don't let go of the previous one?

I'm looking forward to seeing everyone back home but at the same time I don't want to leave my friends or my lifestyle that I have here. Any one have any ideas on how to merge the two worlds?

As I said goodbye to D today, she looked straight at me and said "You'll be back. I don't know how or when, but I know you'll come back." I hope she's right. But then again, maybe it's time for me to go back to the culture I grew up in and live a life without all the traveling. I suspect though that I won't feel really at home. The reverse culture shock is scaring me already. I remember how bad it was last time I came back. Not something I really look forward to dealing with again.

I am a little confused. On the one hand I love where I come from but at the same time the culture and life style here appeal to me on a level I can't explain. I come here and I somehow feel at home. As if this fits. But at the same time, I am thrilled to drive down the streets and see the mountains, drink water straight from the tap and see all my friends. There are aspects of each culture that frustrate and annoy me, but yet they both feel good. Like I almost belong. But not quite. I'm still looking for my home. And at the moment, it could be here, it could be there.

Now it's just a matter of getting some sleep and enjoying my last few hours.

I'll write more when I'm in Germany.

...flames to dust....